Runaway Cinderella

Invisible girl with her heart on her sleeve...

2008-10-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

Wow. Hello intensity. College is crazy. I mean, I knew it WOULD be, but it's insane. I mean, I have SO many syllabi to keep track of, so many projects due that I can hardly remember what it was like to just sit for an hour and not think about work.

And yet, these 2 months have been the best of my life. I found friends here who love me like crazy, who have the same goals in life and understand my belief system--in fact, they share it. To sit down and read my Bible for half an hour with one of them is so amazing. A lot of people think that reading the Bible SO much here must be such a chore. It's the farthest from that. I mean, it's basically God's love letter to the world, telling us what he did for us and how much he cares. It's really special to share that with someone else who loves you. There's a bond formed there.

I've never had much of a social life, not because I was homeschooled but just because I sort of chose to avoid those things. I wasn't confident enough to get involved, or if I wanted to be, hey, I couldn't get there. Now, though, there are things to do and people to hang out with. Studying in a group is a lot more fun than I thought it would be, and works a lot better. I'm getting to experience things I've never gotten to before, and it's unbelievable. People WANT to hang out with me. People say hi to me when they pass me, they know my name, and they smile at me. They pray for me when I'm having a hard day. They were right there as soon as I found out my mom has a lump in her breast that doctor's can't identify.

My GPA is doing great, though dropping from a 4.0 in high school--which I never had to study for--to a 3.47 here that I'm working my butt off for is a little disappointing. Still, I knew it was going to happen, I still have honors, and if I work REALLY hard I might be able to make the Dean's List either by the end of the semester or in one of the next years.

Overall, my life is amazing right now. It's had its ups and downs, and it's not without stress. But still, it's awesome. I'm not invisible anymore. Some people don't know how good of a feeling that is.

Dying without your love

2008-10-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not his girlfriend.

I'm still me.

He just likes me for me.

I'm not changing.

I just don't have time.

I miss you. But you don't talk to me either.

Over the edge and just breathless...

2008-08-20T10:02:00.001-07:00

So I can't even figure out what to type! That's so unlike me. I ALWAYS have something to say, even if it's not the best or most intelligent thing. But right now, there's just so much going on! Let's talk about my month for just a sec here.

--Camp ends--

Cry, sob, say goodbye to friends, still missing them weeks later.

--Laptop repairs--

Takes me weeks to finally get it in the mail, and I'm a little panicked cuz I think I might have put it in the wrong Fedex box so for all I know it's still sitting at Staples never being picked up.

--JB album release--

My life is made. They album is amazing. My boys have grown up so much, in nothing but good ways. They're beautiful, although unlike Lovebug, I can't say they "don't even try"... they spend too much money on clothes and too much time on their hair to qualify them for that statement.

--Weight goals--

I was setting myself goals for weight loss (rewarded after 30 lbs with a bellybutton pierce) but the first one only serves to remind me how far (15 lbs) from it I am.

--Packing up my life for college--

Cleaning out 10 years of living in one house is insane. There's so much stuff I totally don't need but I'm too sentimental to throw away, or other stuff that I KNOW is important, I just don't need it right that second.

--JB concert--

Best. Night. Ever. Mom, Kyle, and Dakota went with. Despite looking really fat in the one pic my mom took of us, it was an amazing night, and my boys are angels as usual. Kevin destroys my heart. Just... speechless.

--Camp Rock DVD release--

I'm not buying it yet. I have no money and I'll have even less once I start school. Instead, I'm going to wait for my birthday, in just over a month, and add it to my wish list. This will take ridiculous willpower.

--Gramma's house--

Hmmm. We're only on day 1, so I can't say for sure how it's going! Fun so far. Too cold to go into the pool, though maybe I'll get tough and go in later on. We come home Saturday.

--Registering for classes--

I called ABC today (my school, not the alphabet) and registered for my classes. My noon speech class was changed to 8 AM. At least I still have 12:40 speech lab on Wednesday, but the others are SOOOO early!! Hello morningtime.

So I think that's it so far. Now, I'm looking ahead. Coming home from Gramma's, six days, and then college. A month and 6 days from today, my 18th birthday! I'll finally be an adult. I won't ACT like one, but I'll BE one.

And now I'm done taking up useful internet space with my rambling.

<3!!

PS--KERNT chat needs to happen. Like, sooner than soon. Yesterday. Mhm. I'm dying.

To my Jonas boys... but not from me...

2008-08-12T16:03:00.001-07:00

I didn't write this, but I think it's a really good expression. Wish I could have come up with something this good. So anyway. Enjoy!!!

THREE SOLD OUT SHOWS AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

This doesn’t happen to just anyone. Prince could sell out three nights at MSG.

Madonna could sell out maybe three nights at MSG.

Rolling Stones could sell out three shows. Eagles, maybe U2…

But three little Jersey boys… this doesn’t happen to just anyone.

My lungs are heavy, my stomach’s in knots,

My knees are weak and my throat’s closed up,

And I’m not even there.

This is happening, and I am amazed.

You’re welcome, boys.

Just remember to always keep saying thank you.

Things like this can do crazy things to people,

And we sure as heck don’t want that to happen to you.

Say thank you for an extra time, smile real big for one more second,

And stand in the middle of the stage, arms in the air,

Soaking it in, for one extra minute.

It’s not every day over 20,000 people travel from the likes of

Oregon, and even SPAIN, to stand in the crowd and watch you perform.

As your loyal and loving fan base,

WE ARE SO PROUD.

So do it because you love it.

And do it because you want it.

And do it because you finally can.

You are headlining THREE SOLD OUT SHOWS

AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

So take that extra minute and don’t let this moment pass.

It’s not every day three little boys from Wyckoff, Jersey

Grow up to headline the garden THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW.

We love you, boys.

And we are so proud.

All that’s left now is congratulations.

You, out of anyone, deserve it.

And you, out of anyone, have earned it.

Thank you for showing millions of teenagers

That the bad times only make you stronger

That it’s okay to keep standards

That you can succeed and be a good person

What faith really is and to always stand behind it,

That you should never let anything slow you down.

How it feels when a simple smile can brighten your day

What love really is, and once you find it, never to give up on it.

And thank you for showing us all what it means to live like you’re at the bottom even though you guys are at the top.

Thank you. <3

So hold your hands high, and never take for granted the little girls that chase your car down the street just because you might just be in it,

The little girls that pull on your arm because they know if they let go, they won’t ever get that chance again,

The little girls that sleep on cement for days because they want to prove to you that they think you’re worth it,

The little girls that break down in tears when they lay eyes on you, because one moment is everything to them,

The little girls that bought your first album and encouraged all their friends to get it because they knew you should be heard,

The little girls that throw education to the wind and skip school because it’s rumored you might be in town that day,

Or the little girls that care so much about you as human beings and want the best for you, because even though they deep down know they won’t really be Mrs. Jonas,

They love you anyway.

This doesn’t happen to just anyone,

And we are overjoyed that it happened to you.

Never forget, your fans will love each of you,

Forever and always.

Wow, There are all my answers.

2008-08-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

So I took a personality test. Not just any personality test, but a personality DISORDER test. My results PINNED me so much. So funny.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Funny when you find yourself, looking from the outside...

2008-07-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did just use a cheesy HSM line, but bear with me. It's what came to mind. And no, I'm not really feeling everything in that particular song. The line itself applied. I'm used to being on the inside of everything. No, not like I'm "in on it", or that I'm a mischief maker that's always at the center of everything. I just talk to people, friends come to me for advice, or I'm involved in something going on.

But being here at camp this summer, I'm a bit separated from everything. I talk to people every now and then, but not enough to really know what's going on. If something happened that's cool, I know of it but I don't really hear about it. If something's wrong (which it has been, in quite a few cases) I hear that something happened but I don't really know what's going on. I'm used to being the problem-solver, the one right there to stamp down the flames of conflict before they catch, to soothe ruffled feathers, or just be a shoulder to cry on. But I haven't gotten to do that this summer.

Instead, I'm catching bits and pieces of normal life as it races by. I read a blog post here and there, I receive some texts, I get an awesome letter, package, or the occasional email. Some things, I'm able to be happy about. YESSSS, a friend had the experience of a lifetime! But maybe it's not so cool. Maybe I find out that some of the most important people in my life are at odds and there's nothing I can do about it.

It's depressing sometimes. Well, a lot of times. Watching that happen and being on the outside, not having the ability to change it or even really comfort the people involved--it's not fun. Thankfully, the work here at camp inhibits my ability to think about doing anything but what's right here in front of me. Campers and their problems, activities and teaching, all block out anything outside the 180 acres of woods and the log buildings that make up the camp. I didn't let myself get distracted... but when off time came, it was all I thought about.

I don't think even my friends knew how difficult their struggles were on me, especially not being here. I tried to be calm and strong for them--it wasn't about me, it was about them. They were the ones who were going through things and I needed to be there for them. Besides, since when do I show negative emotion, seriously? But inside it was tearing me up, trying to think of how things were going to be when I got home. How awkward, how crazy, how tense, how different.

Then, I decided to brace myself and read through the blogs, to catch the idea of the carnage, knowing I had to find out just what to expect when the real world comes bursting in Saturday night. And I had one of the greatest, most beautiful, most perfect surprises of my life. It was over. It was over and I couldn't be happier.

Now, sometime blog posts are confusing. Like... no one wants to use names, of course, or address specific situations. It's not about the situation so much as your emotions, I guess. So there's a .000000000001% chance that the post wasn't about the situation I think it was, and I don't have the ability at the moment to check (hello lack of cell service and AIM). But I think it was... and I think my life may just be complete again. I can't even express how at peace my mind is, how much stress has been lifted, how many things I don't have to worry about now.

Coming home will be much simpler now.

I love you, my lavas. I'll be home in 3 days.

Summertime...

2008-06-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

Camp is awesome.

Too much to say.

I'm busy, I'm exhausted, I love it like crazy.

I miss all of you like you wouldn't believe. =D

I'm totally jealous of Erica. E, email me with ALLLLL the details, please please please???

Annnnnd I still need the JB people. If one of my lavas sees it, would you buy it for me, and I'll pay you for it? PLEEEAAASSSEEEE????

TTYL.

<33

--Kat

It's Coming Cloooooooserrrrrrrr....

2008-05-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

So last night, T IMed me and said she wanted to say hi before she went to sleep and then FLEW.

To BOSTON.

To NIKI.

Ugh. That just, BAM brought it home. Tina. Is. Flying. To. Boston. This whole KERNT thing? Really, really, really happening.

Crazy internet friends say WHAT?

Yeah. I'm coming. To New Jersey, to Erica, Ray, Niki, Tina, and the old Jonas haunts. UGH.

I. Am. Going. To. Die.

<333333333333333333333333

--Kat

Schizophrenia of the teenage mind

2008-05-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

So I kinda wish I knew what I was doing with myself. I mean, I enjoy not knowing most of the time, because it's quite an adventure. But there are some days it's like, you know what, I really wish I just KNEW today. Cuz it's all good when it's just simple stuff, fun stuff, and you can play with it and guess at it and it's okay. It's quite another when you're thinking, okay, this could affect my whole life and I just don't know what to do about it because I just don't know myself well enough.

I've got so many different people in me that I feel like a schizophrenic. Let's name a few. There's Trina, who's the little Martin girl everybody in her family knows, not perfect but not awful, kinda moderate in everything and not too prone to be different. Totally laid-back--totally insecure. And then there's Katrina, who's the elegant, spiritual, ladylike girl blossoming into a sweet and gentle lady. Seemingly perfect--but so bored and boring. And then there's Kat, who's wild, confident, outgoing, fun, and likeable. Excited with life--but in a very fragile, infantile stage right now. And I--whoever I am--am very confused at the moment. It's okay when I'm like, hmm, what's for breakfast, and Trina is okay with whatever's easiest, Katrina will stick with her morning standard, and Kat wants to experiment with something new and different.

But this is different. This is me trying to figure out if I'm falling in love again and, if I am, which of me is falling in love with which of them. I use falling in love loosely, more like falling in like, but it works. See, I thought I had made up my mind. But then, BAM, something unexpected came, something perfect and unexpected, and hello confusion because I can't believe I'm letting my heart do this again. I flip flop more than a politician or a hooked bass (yes, I just compared politicians to dying fish). It was like, LOVE, now friends, and suddenly LOVE again? I can't do that. I just can't. But I am. Every new word I say, it just gets worse.

And WHY do I keep going over and OVER this perfect, unexpected something? Get over it Kat/Trina/Katrina. You did your responding job. Stop hounding the ball when it's in his court. And stop panicking. There has rarely been a point when I finally get to the choice and I don't discover which to take somehow. So, IF the choice ever comes, which I'm thinking it may not but kinda hoping it does, I should do well enough. But right now? So confused and SO schizophrenic.

But despite what it sounds like, not depressed. At all. Kinda feeling good, actually. It's just that three of me are feeling good.

Quick SanFran Thoughts

2008-05-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

"That's beautiful." It's a phrase I use so much around here. And it's true! There's so much beauty. But I haven't yet figured out if it's a facade of beauty cast over ugliness, like well done makeup on a scarred face, or a sheen of run down sadness glazing the face of pure loveliness, like a woman with the weight of stress and tiredness upon her perfect face.

It's in seeing a marvel like Coit Tower with a "safe surrender" baby drop off point two blocks below.

It's in a classy restaurant housed in a building that looks half a step from being condemned, or a stunning piece of architecture sprayed with graffiti. Under some beauty is ugliness, and under most ugliness, beauty. I had wondered why San Francisco was touted as a city of mystery, but now I begin to understand. It's mysterious because, apparently no matter how long you've lived here, you can never fully grasp it. Under every layer is another layer waiting for you. And just when you think you have it locked down, along comes something else, like walking down the street five times, then walking it at night and watching the whole atmosphere change instantly, from quaint, conservative shops to street musicians, strip joints, and nightclubs. It's seeing Chinatown transformed from a bustling shopping district and a culture of its own to a dingy, barely lit alley you wouldn't want to walk alone.

I love this city. The way the fog rolls in out of nowhere, how you freeze on one block and on the next you get sunburned. How 90 degree dry heat feels like the 70 degree humidity at home. The masses of humanity have a rhythm that sinks into your bones in no time. It's a rhythm and a pattern that makes you not even care that you walked ten miles in a day, thirty in a weekend. You don't care that you're solid ache from toes to knees or that your chest is burning like fire because of your ridiculous looking sunburn. You don't care that the wind has caused your hair to become one solid knot, or that you can't breathe after one too many hills.

Because, frankly, there's a reason this is a city where a one-bedroom condo costs over a million dollars. It isn't called one of the greatest cities in the world for nothing. It has its beauty and its ugliness, but that's because it's human. It's not just that it's filled with humanity. It's that the city itself seems to live, breathe, even move at times. It reflects the human condition, it brings out the worst in some people and the best in most.

I'm saying goodbye tomorrow, but, just like some people, there are some places you never forget.

I hear it's wonderful in California...

2008-05-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

soooooo I'm going there!

Yes yes I am.

Tomorrow. 11:00 I leave here, 4:00 I arrive in Cleveland, Ohio. Next morning, too early for words, I depart for San Francisco, California.

And sometime in the week after that I will be forced to sit through an hour long lecture on vasculitis that my grandfather is giving. And I have to take notes.

BUT I will get to see the Golden Gate, walk Jonas ground (yes, there IS a pic of Joe on the Golden Gate, albeit in a car), and hang around one of the greatest cities in the world. Yep. Pretty awesome.

But I'm gonna miss my friends like crazy.

So I'll be missing you, it's true...

but tomorrow, I'm gonna fly...

Time For Me To Fly...

2008-05-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

So the thought occurs to me: I better not plan on a career like the job I'm working right now. Because there is NO WAY on earth I should be so excited about quitting a job. Somehow I didn't mind it that much when I was working it, but the prospect of quitting it--even knowing I'll be heading off to yet another job less than a month afterwards--has me so excited that my Facebook status has been a countdown for the last four days. Maybe I just can't handle working with a boss whose outlook on life is so radically different than mine. But I think it's just that I hate the schedule.

Mama calls me her flower child. I'm like... a leftover leftover hippie, somehow. You know, minus the drugs, plus Jesus. I like freedom. I like being unrestrained. So having a job where I have to leave at 4:15 every single day... it chafes at me. So frankly? I'm done. I'll have it in college with classes and, I'm sure, a job. But afterwards? I want nothing to do with it. Hello, writing.

But that seems so stupid. Oh, I'll go get published and make my living as an author. Um, doesn't everybody in the world think they can write? A publishing house can get 100,000 manuscript submissions in a year and publish maybe 3 books. 3 lucky people get chosen... 99,997 people get left with disappointed dreams. Why should I assume I could be in that 3 or 4 instead of the 99,997?

But you know what? I'm sick of being in the 99,997 in life. Maybe this is my time, for once in my life, to be part of that 3. I guess I feel arrogant thinking I could do that. Yet SOMEONE has to be there. Why not me? It won't hurt anything but my pride to take a shot.

Hate That I Love You [[there's this boy...]]

2008-05-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I'm not all depressed. Life is awesome right now. ONE WEEK before I get to quit my job and fly away to Cali. I'm just thoughtful.

<<<<<-------->>>>>>

So there's this boy. And I think I love him. Or, actually, I love the idea of him. Strong, talented, and passionate, determined to live life while he can. He's respectful, humble, and treats girls like ladies and not sex objects. He's handsome but not arrogant and always has a genuine smile. He's from a strong family and he adores his parents, keeps them in his life. Dream boy? Yep. Of course, he also happens to be a rock star who, if I ever meet him, will hug me quickly, sign my poster, and pass me on to his brother without a second glance. That's not so dreamy.

But you know what's worse than your dream boy being hopelessly inaccessible? Having several dream boys within easy reach--and none of them want you. I know at least three guys who equal and exceed my description above. They're so perfect, so wonderful, so easy to love--and to fall in love with. They call me their friend and their little sister--but never their girl. They'll make sure I don't get involved with a bad boy--but they'll never be the good guy I need to be with.

It makes me think. Why? Am I inaccessible, intimidating like my mom once told me? Aloof or seemingly disinterested? I do have a habit of being a little mean to guys when I don't know how to act around them. Or could it be that dream guys like them don't want someone so removed from the girl of THEIR dreams? I mean, let's face it, I'm no one's dream girl. One of those internet "What Kind of Girlfriend Are You" quizzes gave me a Dream Girl result--but I think I lied on how I would react if he cheated on me. I won't list my flaws, but let's just say they're numerous and apparently noticeable enough to keep me at little sister status.

Having a dream boy (or 2 or 3) at your fingertips and not being his is, to me, worse than seeing him from a distance--almost worse than never having him at all. Because now, every guy other than these perfections of mankind will be settling. And I'm OK with that when I'm settling for a normal guy instead of Kevin Jonas the rock star. But it's hard to settle when the man you're comparing to is right next to you, approving of your choice.

And, oh man, these boys, these wonderful boys, they would hate themselves if they knew their "little sister" felt like this because of them. Cuz see, there's this boy, and I wish he knew.
So while I hope with all my MIND they'll never see this, never know it's all about them... I wish with all my HEART that they would.

People Change and Promises Are Broken...

2008-04-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't broken any promises that I know of (alert me if I have), but I'm certainly changing! Lots of change going on inside, so I, of course, had to express that on the outside. Thus the reason I went and did this to my hair.

Before image, of course, being plain old no-bangs straight cut. So I'm loving the new look, even if it's weird to get used to. I keep blowing the bangs out of my eyes and then doing a double take. "Wait, BANGS? Since WHEN?" *moment of thought* "Since 12:30 PM, Captain Intelligence." Riiiight.

So Grandma's coming Thursday. Should be interesting. Oh, and I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, whoopee.

Didja know I'm not sure why I have a blog? I honestly do so little with it. Everybody else seems to have so much to talk about... but hey, at least it looks pretty and has good music.

And, so, JB had this new-old song leaked, Kung-fu Grip, which is so dorky and ridiculous that I should, in all reality, be scornful. "just like a GI Joe", "I wish I had a kung-fu grip"? Oh, wow. But I'm addicted. The guitar is simple and lovely, and something about NickJ singing, "She'd be my doll and I would be her hero too" is simply magnetic. Soooo I've had it on repeat on youtube for quite some time. Someone stop me.

There's a rumor that he wrote it for a few friends, recorded it by himself, sent it to them, and it was then leaked, which I would believe. But I can only say, hey, Nick J. I'll be your doll.

That's right, E, I went there. Keep in mind who's legal. Uh-huh.

Hospitals and Hannah

2008-04-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

Soo... long story short:

brother. karate. ankle. crunch. surgery. screw. cast. four month recovery.

Mother. panic attack. faints. hospital.

Sierra. fussy. misses mom. cries. hannah montana. sleeps.

Me. mall shopping. ER waiting room. KERNT and Bri save my life. Five hours. 3 hrs sleep. Tired. Take off work. Skip Bible class. KERNT. Falling asleep.

And that's been my life since Monday. Oh, and throw in some Garbo Love site stuff, some amazing fanfic updates, and one joint that seems to have suddenly lost readership, and you have life at the moment. And on a good note, in my five hours in the ER waiting room, I saw JB on Disney several times, got an idea for a oneshot, and watched a Hanner episode.

Life is crazy. Life is hard. Life is painful.

But it's a life I wouldn't trade for the world.

I'm a Real Girl!

2008-04-10T19:53:00.000-07:00

Here's me, in all my lame glory on a terribly edited vlog! My little Bible class kids are the best thing about this.

--Kat

I've been missing you...

2008-04-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

Imagine this: a blog without a vlog! I don't even have anything to write about.

Except work. Loverly work. I'm just so ready to not work. It's something I'll be doing the rest of my life, but I just don't want to. Now, the weird thing is that while I'm at work, I don't mind it. It's times like now, 1 in the afternoon, when I'm counting down the hours to when I have to get ready...

I hate having my life constricted. I don't like working on a time schedule. Who does? On that note, I just need to get over myself, grow up, and start dealing with life. Although all this does really make me want to be a writer so I can work on my own schedule. Inspiration at 3 AM? Sure, that can go on your clock. Feel like working noon to 8 instead of 9-5? No problem. Yep. That would be amazing.

But that's OK. I'll handle it. Besides... right now, I'm working towards May 15. San Francisco, beh-bay! I CAN NOT wait. Never been to Cali, much less the West Coast, much larger version of my own town of steep hills. Hmmm, I wonder if Jonas will happen to be there? Checking schedule... psh. Of course no info. Eh, I'll run into them. Me, Golden Gate Bridge, Kevin Jonas (or Greg, that would do)--love. It's settled. San Francisco will be the beginning of my whirlwind romance with the man of my dreams.

And then, of course, barely two weeks later, my KERNT lovelies. I can't tell you how excited I am. I've never been so excited about a weekend visit before. Or a simple dinner out. At first, I was a little terrified about meeting them. Like, what if they don't like me as much when they meet me as they seem to on IM? But the longer I talk to them--and it's been more than a month now--the more I come to trust them and realize that they won't judge me for what I'm like in person. And I'm really not that different, I guess. It's my appearance I guess I'm worried about, the fact that I'm painfully uncool. But I'll survive! And my girls... I trust them.

Yep. KERNTLOVE is the movement.

Hang Time...

2008-04-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

So church has this hang time thing. And brilliant me falls flat on my face in front of most of the youth group. Watch it in the vlog. But hey, life happens, and I lived. I pone all those angst-ridden teens anyway. :D

First KERNT VLog--SO pointless

2008-04-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

Wow. So this may be the dullest, most ridiculously boring two minutes of my life. I had to be quiet because Starr is asleep on the bed behind me. And I had nothing to talk about. So it's redonk.

And I haven't a clue on how to embed it. So here's the youtube link.

KERNT Vlog

Goodnight ladies!

--Kat

Plant my lips where your necklaces close...

2008-04-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

So work was good. It was one of those never-sit-down but not too crazy nights. The only downfall: the two thirty-something, NOT hot construction workers who insisted on flirting with my chest. No, not with me (that would have been almost interesting). My chest. But that's OK. I tugged up my shirt and they still tipped well. What can you do?

So Mom's like, no Kat to NJ for KERNT. OK. What about KERNT to MD for, well, me? Sounds like lovely. We can go with that.

And then Kat is like, argh, when to quit my job? I'll be gone for a week in May, then probably a day or two for KERNT, then leaving in the beginning of June, before which I have to pack up my life. Part of me really wants to quit before San Francisco, which would be the middle of May. Part of me is like, "Kat, you dork, you need money." Yeah. You don't gotta tell me twice. But hey, who knows if that will even matter? Knee surgery could make the decision for me.

Knee. Right. It feels like it's on the edge. Like, it doesn't even really hurt. But it feels weakened and like if I do something wrong it'll give out completely. I'm kinda paranoid at this point. But meh. I'll live, knee or no.

And, just to make Niki feel better about her blog post for the night, I must mention my body pillow. I adore that thing. It's had several names, and sometimes I actually need to imagine it's that crush or celeb obsession just so I can wrap my arms around it and sleep. Like, I legit can't sleep without it. I recognize that I'm a security freak. Rule #1 if you wanna win my heart: make me feel safe. Sooo... because I don't have that guy, Mr. Pillow steps in and gives me just that touch of security I need. It's like the teenage version of a baby blanket.

And that was the dorkiest thing I've written in a while. I leave you with this:

That's right. The world's two most amazing men. In ONE picture. With guitars (well, guitar and bass). If that's not perfection, what is?

Oh, that's right. KERNT.

Good Morning, Beautiful Day

2008-04-04T09:06:00.001-07:00

So last night, at the time I was planning to go to bed, I simply could not sleep, and it turns out that was for the best. Because as I go to check my comments, I see this one that was flat-out the best thing I'd heard all day. And then I go to talk to her and she talks to me literally the moment I'm about to type.

And with one single IM my life was okay again. I forgot that I'd spilled Chinese food at work and burned my hand in the bargain. I forgot that my knee hurt or that my family got to go to the ice show and I didn't (both because of work). The empty, suffocated feeling I'd had all day evaporate like... like a couple water drops in a frying pan, for lack of a better image. Hey, that's what I saw in my head.

It's funny how the simple act of communicating can be so much more meaningful than any number of apologies. And that the three words, "I lava you," usually followed by a <3, can mean so much more, honestly, than "I'm sorry." And it makes my life.

I lava you, too. With all my <3.

PS--the center align is a result of peer pressure. Just can't help it. Must... conform... to KERNT...

So I Gave In!

2008-04-03T18:16:00.000-07:00

And finally created a Blogspot, even though I already have a Wordpress. Seemed like the right thing to do, since my bff's have them. Gotta join the club, ya know?

Too tired tonight for more. Later, loves.

--Kat